Five Reasons Church Leaders Have Affairs

I have had too many friends in the ministry who have left their passion because of giving in to sexual temptation.  Here is an article that really makes sense.  Do you know any friend or pastor who is heading down this road?  Have the Courage to speak to them in love.  You may not only save their marriage, but their ministry.


Written by Jeff Fisher

Let me start off by saying, no one is immune to sexual temptation. It doesn’t matter what your job is, how old you are, or how much time you spend with Jesus each day. We all have the potential to fall sexually.
Even ministers… and maybe, especially ministers.
Ministers have jobs that automatically put them in a pressure cooker. It’s not unusual to have a stressful job, but there are five unique aspects of a ministry position that make him more vulnerable to opening the door to sexual temptation.

1. A pastorate is a place of power – Whether the minister is using it or not, he has great influence over others. The pastor is an authority, he is looked up to, he is on stage, and is usually highly regarded. Broken people with damaged lives come regularly to talk with the minister, many of them desperate for a word or attention. It is not hard for a minister to sway others with their words or personality. The minister probably doesn’t realize the power he has over others.

2. Ministers are often isolated and unaccountable for their actions – Ministers spend large amounts of time alone. Many don’t have a set schedule or a structured day. They don’t have to clock in and out of work, and don’t usually have church leaders asking them accountability questions. This is especially true for small church minister who is often the only staff member. Isolation and lack of accountability are seedbeds for disaster.

3. Protection and policies around ministers can be lax – Churches rarely have policies requiring accountability software on their computer or mobile phone. Few or no precautions are taken when the minister is counseling someone of the opposite sex. And ministers often go on visitation to homes by themselves. Policies don’t cure bad behavior or a wayward congregant, but they provide an extra boundary that may be a difference maker in a tempting situation.

4. Ministers have few people they can share their deepest struggles with - It’s hard for a minister to be transparent. His closest relationships are usually church people, and he doesn’t want to share his deeply with parishoners. Neither does he share his personal or sexual struggles or sexual struggles with other ministers, for fear he might lose his job.

5. Ministers frequently feed off the approval of others - Ministers can be approval addicts. Their identities can revolve around the attention and comments of others. A minister’s well-being, if it is unhealthy, rises and falls with every “Good sermon” or “Sister Jones is mad at you.” Not only are broken church members looking for attention, but so are broken ministers. Sexual tension in a minister / parishioner relationship is powerful and deadly. It pushes the button of an approval addict and the needy church member and can quickly lead to disaster.

START THE CONVERSATION, HAVE COURAGEUnfortunately, we must initiate these conversations with our staff and church leaders. It’s doubtful a lay leader or denominational leader will get the ball rolling, until there is a moral failure. It takes courage to talk about potential holes in our ministry. It takes a higher motivation for integrity and sexual purity to draw boundaries, write policies, and set up accountability.
These are points of vulnerability. They have been fault lines for many ministers before us who have fallen sexually. We ministers have a high responsibility and are accountable for the souls of many. We mustn’t be lax in dealing with areas of sexual vulnerability or questioning our staff about them.

C & E Effect

Well Easter is gone and we are heading towards another vacation season.  With the gas prices continuing to rise, many people are looking at stay-cations this year.  Yet the summer slump in churches will be in full effect. 

Yet the impact of the C & E Effect was felt everywhere this past Sunday.  On Easter most churches set record attendances for the day.  Our church experienced 7700 in attendance with many decisions for the Lord.  A new campus was opened with 1208 at its first services.

Then the C & E Effect took over which resulted in a 45% drop in attendance for this past Sunday.  Why?  The Christmas (C) and Easter (E) attenders seem to not be looking for a relationship with the creator of the Universe, but to "punch their card" for a service.  Some people come to please a family member or just because they feel guilty and think the one service will make them feel better.

I am thrilled that they came to praise the Lord and hear the Word but so many missed the best part of having a relationship with the Lord.  One message misses the need for a daily relationship with the Lord.  Yes we are all hypocrites in the eyes of the C & E people because they look at the people in the church and not at the reason for celebrating Easter or having that one on one relationship.

If you are a C & E Effect person don't be mad, try this.  Go again on a non high energy weekend.  Talk to at least five people.  Find out what the church believes and does for others.    If you are not comfortable with a given church, "kick the tires" on another church until you find one that reaches out to others rather than is just content with where they are today.

I'd love to see some of the 45% this next weekend!  Just so they can feel welcome to have a great relationship with the Creator.

Tired of: "Forward this to five people"

Each week I get emails from friends who have forwarded me a great thought or emotional plea but at the bottom of the page is always something like, "Send this to 5 -20 friends and you will have a prayer come true or something great will happen to you". 

I have never heard of a prayer to the Lord being answered because you sent this email to other people's "inbox".  Yes the Lord does have an INBOX but it has been around since the beginning of time with Adam and Eve.  His Inbox is never full and he will give you one of three answers.  "Yes"- I want to bless you right now; "No"- because it is not good for you at this time; and "Wait"- Now is not the right time for this blessing but keep coming back to learn when the time is right.

Lifting your prayers to the Lord is just one of the communication links available to everyone.  The Lord wants a one on one relationship and the blessings from that relationship may not be money, cars, a new house or other expensive desires, but a peace in knowing that the Lord WILL take care of you. 

The next time you get a great story that you want to share with others just take the part off at the bottom where you HAVE to send it forward in order to get a reward.  Your reward is that you have friends in which to share insights and compassion. Think about it YOU have firends!   Period. 

Never foward  because of some potential great gain that you will get because you hit the SEND button.

Just my thought on the matter!