There has been so much written about the Connecticut school shooting that I do not want to be redundant. But strangely a couple of weekends ago at our church, a talented film producer had put together a short film on the loss of the Innkeeper's family had to endure because of his allowing the Savior to be born at his Inn.
What we do not realize is that millions of children two years and younger were killed by a mad man king just out of his fear of Jesus. Have you ever thought of those children lost to an insane king? The best way to grasp this in light of the children lost in Connecticut is to know that they are playing in heaven along those millions lost over 2000 years ago.
Please watch this message and film as I know it made me realize the events surrounding the early years of Jesus. Link on the link and have a blessed day of thankfulness for your children. No matter what their age might be.
Click on this link: InnKeeper
Showing posts with label Following God's Lead?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Following God's Lead?. Show all posts
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Inspiring Another Year
Good Morning Lord. It’s time for a devotional to prepare for another new year and after many years of writing blogs and devotionals, I need an idea to inspire, motivate, and move people to a closer relationship with you.
Lord, in the past year there were moments that were really great and other times there were moments in which life really stunk. There are periods in life that I get exhausted in offering hope and encouragement for another year. I take my eyes off You and look around at the events that may control me.
There are so many people hurting right now from natural disasters, war, sickness, death in the family, or in the loss of a relationship. What can I say to make people feel good about themselves? How can I encourage others when I need encouragement?
I have heard that change is good, Lord, but no one said that going though these changes was the good part. Physically leaving the comfort areas that were developed are sad and scarry, but Lord you are already opening new doors even when I cannot see them. So what’s my problem?
Maybe I need to look beyond what is directly in front of me and realize that through my relationship with you, that you will protect and guide me.
As I look back on my life, I can see that it has been better when I allow you to be the driver. If I had had my way, I would still be working in a factory in Cincinnati
In my youth, Dad used an example of me training one of our steers to be lead. At first, “Billie” (the steer) resisted, but through persistent tugs, he soon figured that it was better to follow me than resist and then receive correction from a board hitting him on the head. Soon were walking all over the farm with Billie just paces behind. One day in the heat, I sat down under the tree and thought that Billie could just lead himself, since he was so well trained.
As I closed my eyes to rest, Billie moved away and within moments, he was in the garden eating on some green vegetable that would give him a stomach ache. Grabbing the rope, I tugged hard to correct the situation. When my Dad got home from work, he saw the evidence and was furious. Later he related the incident to how we walk with God. When we walk with God, he leads us to goodness and safety. When we go off on our own and don’t rely on a relationship with God, our lives get messed up and only then do we yell for help from the Lord to fix the situation.
As you enter into the new year take one last moment and look back on last year and your entire life. See where you were close to the Lord and how He handled the tough times and where you were so concerned with yourself that God was left under a tree. I encourage everyone to spend more that five minutes a day with the Lord. Talk to Him in your heart before any move this year and then you can look back to see how this will become a year of peace, happiness, and joy. It’s in the relationship.
Oh yeah, Thanks Lord for today’s reminder of your guidance, love and protection.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
It's Not About Me Christmas
Luke 2:11 "This very day in David' s town your Savior was born—Christ the Lord!"
As I start this special morning of Christmas, I sit here quietly staring at the lighted Christmas tree with mixed emotions. The emotions I am supposed to have are those of joy and peace and good will to all.
But before any of the presents are opened, I realize that there are some traditions that just cannot be repeated. As my mind flashes back to my childhood days, I recall getting up and running to the Christmas tree to see the Lincoln Log set under the tree with a log house already built.
Soon my mind flees to the Christmas mornings of my children when they would awaken to the whine a new puppy or some other special gifts. If they chose to sleep in too long on Christmas morning, I would go to the kitchen and begin to bake cinnamon rolls. Naturally, I had to make a lot of noise to wake them from their slumber. It is those joys of Christmas mornings that are now just memories.
As tears flow down my face, I think of the people to whom I can never again wish Merry Christmas because they have gone on to be with the Lord. If I keep this going, I know I will be depressed for the entire day. I truly can understand how depression around this time of the year can take place, especially if a person does not have a relationship with the Savior.
Even though all these events are in the past, the Lord gently reminds me that Christmas is not about me. I refocus on the Savior who gave up Heaven to communicate directly to me. He loved me so much that he gave everything for me.
During your quiet time this morning, thank the Lord for giving you this day to celebrate his coming to earth for a relationship with us. Thank Him for family, friends, and loved ones with whom we come in contact with each day. Give your children a hug and tell them you love them, no matter what their ages.
Call those who cannot be near you this Christmas. Since the Lord demonstrated His love for you, take the time to create new memories that reflect the Lord’s presence, even if it is banging on the pans to get the kids up to celebrate this day. When cleaning up all the paper and ribbon, pause for a moment to smile and remember that this was not about you, but about the Lord and the ones near you.
In that joy, you will find peace and love to carry you into the New Year.
Merry Christmas!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
It Doesn't Feel Like Christmas
I heard someone say this morning on the television. "It can't be Christmas, its too warm". They were sitting in New York City and noted that it is only Christmas if it is snowing. In fact they were flying out to Denver this afternoon so they could experience snow and make it feel like Christmas. Humm... so we can have no celebration unless it is cold and snowing? If that is true many people today might as well take all the presents back, call off the evening celebrations and just sleep in tomorrow. Being right now in Orlando and it's going to be 80 degrees today, I think people in the TV studio should get a life.
Even if you do not hang onto the true reason for Christmas, you know it is Christmas! The lights, the decorations, family gatherings and Christmas Eve services are signs that a special day is coming tomorrow.
So today as you get those last minute gifts or prepare for family and friends, finish plans to a party, get out your nice Christmas outfit for church servcies tonight or even go see Micky Mouse Santa, realize that this day of Christmas is real and has nothing to do with the weather!
Most important just take a minute and know that the Creator of the Universe was so passionately in love with you that He sent His son to bond a relationship that will last throughout eternity.
Even if you do not hang onto the true reason for Christmas, you know it is Christmas! The lights, the decorations, family gatherings and Christmas Eve services are signs that a special day is coming tomorrow.
So today as you get those last minute gifts or prepare for family and friends, finish plans to a party, get out your nice Christmas outfit for church servcies tonight or even go see Micky Mouse Santa, realize that this day of Christmas is real and has nothing to do with the weather!
Most important just take a minute and know that the Creator of the Universe was so passionately in love with you that He sent His son to bond a relationship that will last throughout eternity.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Sad for our Future Generation
This morning I was asked to help unload some items that needed to be unloaded from a business next door to our business. There were two young (less than 25 years old) men who were there to help but when I arrived, they were just standing around looking at the items on the truck.
I said, "Does everything need to be unloaded?" and one of them said, "Yes". There was no pallet near the truck, so I asked one of them to grab one. He just looked at me like I was from outer space. I was going to grab the pallet but waited until he brought it and then just looked at it and did not lay it down.
Finally I had had enough as I needed to get back to my work. I went back to my office and the two pallets of material took them three hours to unload. Last week me an another elderly gentleman unloaded two pallets in less than ten minutes.
When I walked out into their facility five hours later, the material was still in the back room. The shelves were empty. These men we just sitting behind the counter. Since it was not my business, I walked away.
It was during a conversation with an older person last week and he told me his wife worked at a large distribution facility in the next town. She said that about 80% of the new employees who are under 25 do not last more than four hours on the job. Either they walked out because it was too much work or we released by the foreman.
The attitude of "Pay Me because I am entitled", seems to be the main focus of so many young people today. They would rather live on welfare and food stamps than to find work and make a good living. Now this is not all young people but the more I see it I am no longer mad but sad.
When something major happens and the government can no longer hand out free money, how will these people survive?
When I look at the book of Proverbs there is so much to say about work. Proverbs 21:25
Lazy people finally die of hunger because they won't get up and go to work. There are so many warnings in the Bible about people who expect everything without lifting a finger.
How will our next generation survive continues to worry me. I suggest that you find a young person and try to teach them good work habits and the rewards that come from a good day's work. I know I hated it when my dad pushed me to hard farm labor, but the lessons he taught will remain for the rest of my life. Many of those lessons have now been passed on to my children. Thanks Dad you taking the time to care.
The next generation may depend on you.
I said, "Does everything need to be unloaded?" and one of them said, "Yes". There was no pallet near the truck, so I asked one of them to grab one. He just looked at me like I was from outer space. I was going to grab the pallet but waited until he brought it and then just looked at it and did not lay it down.
Finally I had had enough as I needed to get back to my work. I went back to my office and the two pallets of material took them three hours to unload. Last week me an another elderly gentleman unloaded two pallets in less than ten minutes.
When I walked out into their facility five hours later, the material was still in the back room. The shelves were empty. These men we just sitting behind the counter. Since it was not my business, I walked away.
It was during a conversation with an older person last week and he told me his wife worked at a large distribution facility in the next town. She said that about 80% of the new employees who are under 25 do not last more than four hours on the job. Either they walked out because it was too much work or we released by the foreman.
The attitude of "Pay Me because I am entitled", seems to be the main focus of so many young people today. They would rather live on welfare and food stamps than to find work and make a good living. Now this is not all young people but the more I see it I am no longer mad but sad.
When something major happens and the government can no longer hand out free money, how will these people survive?
When I look at the book of Proverbs there is so much to say about work. Proverbs 21:25
Lazy people finally die of hunger because they won't get up and go to work. There are so many warnings in the Bible about people who expect everything without lifting a finger.
How will our next generation survive continues to worry me. I suggest that you find a young person and try to teach them good work habits and the rewards that come from a good day's work. I know I hated it when my dad pushed me to hard farm labor, but the lessons he taught will remain for the rest of my life. Many of those lessons have now been passed on to my children. Thanks Dad you taking the time to care.
The next generation may depend on you.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Working Thorugh Christmas Depression
Experts say that Christmas time is the most likely time of the year to experience depression. They claim that the suicide rate is higher during December and early January than any other month and we need to understand that Christmas depression should be taken quite seriously.
Depression at Christmas time can be triggered by a multitude of things, such as losses, failures, and loneliness. These elements are exacerbated this time of year. People who have had death in the family or have experienced divorce or the loss of a child are more prone to depression, especially during any holiday season.
It can be especially difficult to cope with a Christmas depression because everyone else seems so joyous, and so reaching out feels more awkward. We don't want to bring down those around us, we don't want to feel "different" or alienate ourselves, and we don't want to draw attention to ourselves either. We tend to disassociate ourselves from our own feelings and ask ourselves self defeating questions. We wonder what's wrong with ourselves and why we can barely drag ourselves out of bed and become functional human beings. On top of our feeling sad and dysfunctional, we feel out of place everywhere and somehow cannot validate our feelings.
Not all holiday depression has anything to do with loss or failure or death, or even anything obvious. Sometimes people tend to just get depressed around the holidays. Yet those without an obvious “reason” feel that they really shouldn't be depressed and are least likely to reach out for help. It’s as though people who have experienced trauma in their life have more of a “right” to experience holiday depression than those who appear to have everything that could need or want. If you are a Christ Follower you become so critical of yourself and think, “I’m happy to celebrate the birth of Jesus, so why do I feel this way?”
The onset of Christmas depression can sneak up on you in numerous forms. You may simply start to feel more tired than normal or start sleeping through the alarm. You may procrastinate on holiday shopping, even when those events that require your participation are only a few days away. You may start to feel randomly irritable, or snap at people without provocation. You may start to feel disconnected with the world and withdraw from those around you, even children. These are all signs that you are experiencing at least some form of holiday depression, and warning signs that you may need help in dealing with whatever is making you feel this way.
If you are alone at Christmas time and you realize that you are coming down with holiday depression, reach out to someone by phone, whether it is a friend, a relative, or a professional, just call someone. This is so important. There is nothing to be ashamed of and there are plenty of people willing and able to assist you. A bad moment (even a really long one that last several weeks) does not have to ruin a future. Unfortunately people who find themselves depressed and do nothing about it are prone to staying depressed, maybe for the entire winter. Living in depression can interfere with job performance, friendships, romantic relationships, parenting ability, self care, and even the ability to take care of the dog or cat. It can lead to losses of very important things if the depression becomes serious enough.
I know about this as I have experienced it in the past, so I encourage you to know the signs and do something about them by reaching out. If you see someone else depressed this season, you should reach out to them. Just let them know you care and offer suggestions for things to do to keep them away from depression. Your friends need you and it’s not for money or just a passing, “Merry Christmas”.
Even if you know first hand that you are loved by the Creator, do not feel ashamed that you are having these feelings. They are real ! So I encourage you to go help at homeless shelter or food kitchen. You will not feel alone when you see the appreciation on the faces of many who do not they have any hope. It is a great way to get through depressing times this Christmas!
Particularly this Christmas Season demonstrate your caring!
Depression at Christmas time can be triggered by a multitude of things, such as losses, failures, and loneliness. These elements are exacerbated this time of year. People who have had death in the family or have experienced divorce or the loss of a child are more prone to depression, especially during any holiday season.
It can be especially difficult to cope with a Christmas depression because everyone else seems so joyous, and so reaching out feels more awkward. We don't want to bring down those around us, we don't want to feel "different" or alienate ourselves, and we don't want to draw attention to ourselves either. We tend to disassociate ourselves from our own feelings and ask ourselves self defeating questions. We wonder what's wrong with ourselves and why we can barely drag ourselves out of bed and become functional human beings. On top of our feeling sad and dysfunctional, we feel out of place everywhere and somehow cannot validate our feelings.
Not all holiday depression has anything to do with loss or failure or death, or even anything obvious. Sometimes people tend to just get depressed around the holidays. Yet those without an obvious “reason” feel that they really shouldn't be depressed and are least likely to reach out for help. It’s as though people who have experienced trauma in their life have more of a “right” to experience holiday depression than those who appear to have everything that could need or want. If you are a Christ Follower you become so critical of yourself and think, “I’m happy to celebrate the birth of Jesus, so why do I feel this way?”
The onset of Christmas depression can sneak up on you in numerous forms. You may simply start to feel more tired than normal or start sleeping through the alarm. You may procrastinate on holiday shopping, even when those events that require your participation are only a few days away. You may start to feel randomly irritable, or snap at people without provocation. You may start to feel disconnected with the world and withdraw from those around you, even children. These are all signs that you are experiencing at least some form of holiday depression, and warning signs that you may need help in dealing with whatever is making you feel this way.
If you are alone at Christmas time and you realize that you are coming down with holiday depression, reach out to someone by phone, whether it is a friend, a relative, or a professional, just call someone. This is so important. There is nothing to be ashamed of and there are plenty of people willing and able to assist you. A bad moment (even a really long one that last several weeks) does not have to ruin a future. Unfortunately people who find themselves depressed and do nothing about it are prone to staying depressed, maybe for the entire winter. Living in depression can interfere with job performance, friendships, romantic relationships, parenting ability, self care, and even the ability to take care of the dog or cat. It can lead to losses of very important things if the depression becomes serious enough.
I know about this as I have experienced it in the past, so I encourage you to know the signs and do something about them by reaching out. If you see someone else depressed this season, you should reach out to them. Just let them know you care and offer suggestions for things to do to keep them away from depression. Your friends need you and it’s not for money or just a passing, “Merry Christmas”.
Even if you know first hand that you are loved by the Creator, do not feel ashamed that you are having these feelings. They are real ! So I encourage you to go help at homeless shelter or food kitchen. You will not feel alone when you see the appreciation on the faces of many who do not they have any hope. It is a great way to get through depressing times this Christmas!
Particularly this Christmas Season demonstrate your caring!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
What Did Mary Feel?
As we approach Christmas, we tend to think of the presents, family, rushing around for the right holiday gift, and most importantly, the birth of our Lord. Reading the first three chapters of the Gospel of Luke, we should take a moment and think about what Mary may have felt during this whole experience, the birth of Jesus.
Mary, being a very young lady, was engaged to be married to Joseph. I’m sure it was with great anticipation that this virgin girl looked forward to her wedding, and her life with Joseph. Joyful! Then she was visited by an angel from the Lord who told her she was pregnant. How could that be? Mary was still a virgin. Confusion! You talk about mixed emotions.
When Joseph found out that Mary was pregnant he had decided not to marry her until an angel spoke to him and explained what was happening. I’m sure Mary also had many mixed emotions. Would she do what God wanted and risk losing Joseph, or find a way to make the problem go away? Fearful! When the time for her to give birth was near, Mary and Joseph had to travel to
Riding a donkey when she was nine months pregnant could not have been a pleasant experience. Traveling all that way only to find that there was no hotel room available would be discouraging to any woman in her situation...then to give birth in a stable with the smell of animals, hay and manure!
Ladies, stop and think how you would feel if you had to experience the same thing Mary did above?
Ladies, stop and think how you would feel if you had to experience the same thing Mary did above?
She must have felt many emotions. Exhaustion! Anger! Pain! Relief! But once she looked into her baby’s eyes, I’m sure Mary felt Peace! Joy! Love! What a journey! Christ did not come at a convenient time for anyone, but He did come at just the right time.
The shepherds knew it was the right time. The wise men knew it was the right time. Mary and Joseph knew it was the right time. Most importantly, God knew it was the right time.
This Christmas think about how, what seemed like the wrong time for Mary and Joseph, was the right time for you and me.
Ponder how you would feel in this situation and then look at the GREAT results of an eternal relationship with the Creator!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Time for a Good Bath?
It wasn't so long ago that we ourselves were stupid and stubborn, dupes of sin, ordered every which way by our glands, going around with a chip on our shoulder, hated and hating back. But when God, our kind and loving Savior God, stepped in, he saved us from all that. It was all his doing; we had nothing to do with it. He gave us a good bath, and we came out of it new people, washed inside and out by the Holy Spirit. Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously. God's gift has restored our relationship with him and given us back our lives. And there's more life to come—an eternity of life! You can count on this. Titus 3:3-8
I read this recently at the recommendation of Rick Warren in the Message version and WOW did it make more sense that from previous readings. Often today those people who are called Christ Followers have forgotten what it was like before a relationship the Lord.
Great Christian people seem to have little tolerance for the type of people noted above and we see it in the way they act. On Sundays they dress up and go to church and give praises,worship, and prayers but if you see them at lunch afterwards they will have a comment about a person or family sitting in the restaurant that brings them back to "Stupid" as noted in verse 3.
We form opinions about those around us when we have never walked a moment in their shoes. Many people talk the talk of a Christ Follower but in observing their daily life their old nature comes flying to the forefront. Everything noted in verse three and four come flying to the surface.
Take a moment and reflect on your status today as a Christ Follower. Do not stare at other people's mistakes but stop and think, "Do I need a bath?"
If it is not a bath you need then maybe consider getting our a washcloth and realize that you are a new person who was stupid and stubborn, dupes of sin, ordered every which way by your glands, going around with a chip on our shoulder, hated and hating back.
Or is it time for a bath?
I read this recently at the recommendation of Rick Warren in the Message version and WOW did it make more sense that from previous readings. Often today those people who are called Christ Followers have forgotten what it was like before a relationship the Lord.
Great Christian people seem to have little tolerance for the type of people noted above and we see it in the way they act. On Sundays they dress up and go to church and give praises,worship, and prayers but if you see them at lunch afterwards they will have a comment about a person or family sitting in the restaurant that brings them back to "Stupid" as noted in verse 3.
We form opinions about those around us when we have never walked a moment in their shoes. Many people talk the talk of a Christ Follower but in observing their daily life their old nature comes flying to the forefront. Everything noted in verse three and four come flying to the surface.
Take a moment and reflect on your status today as a Christ Follower. Do not stare at other people's mistakes but stop and think, "Do I need a bath?"
If it is not a bath you need then maybe consider getting our a washcloth and realize that you are a new person who was stupid and stubborn, dupes of sin, ordered every which way by your glands, going around with a chip on our shoulder, hated and hating back.
Or is it time for a bath?
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
StoryTellers give some GREAT Lessons
Luke 8: 4-8 While the crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town to town, he told them a parable: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds of the air ate it up. Some fell on rock, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and provided a crop a hundred times more than what was sown."
Clyde was a man in his late 50' s who grew up in the hills of eastern Tennessee Jonesbourgh
He was an official "storyteller".
Each of
Most everyone can relate to a well-told story. So, when He taught via parables, like the one above, everyone could relate because they had seen seeds planted. It was easy to understand the "moral" of the story as most had seen the perils and victories of planting seeds.
Sometimes we can become so "religious" that we miss the relationship Jesus wants with each one of us. We focus so much on the small things that we miss the excitement and love that is packed in a daily walk with Christ. His story is simple and one with a happy ending.
Everyone has a story to tell others; starting with the story of your relationship with the Lord.
To whom have you told your story, lately?
Never miss an opportunity to tell your story. . .the good, the bad, the ugly, and how you came though those times with a new understanding of life and relationships.Monday, November 28, 2011
A Little Christmas Advice
Before Halloween costumes have been placed in storage, retailers and manufacturers start pumping the airwaves with propaganda about the perfect toy, the perfect diamond ring to prove your love and the perfect food for the perfect, wonderful family celebration. Even before Thanksgiving our minds race with too many decisions: What to get for the person who has everything (probably almost everyone on your list), where to get the money for those perfect gifts. What to wear, or how to lose that extra pounds so you can get into last year' s clothes!
Don' t Miss Christmas! We need to make sure that we set some time aside for each other. You may want to start with events such as Christmas eve services or activities where the entire family can be together. Share the Workload Be realistic about how much you can do in one day and plan for delays and unexpected interruptions (traffic jams, a sick child, a flat tire, a cashier who doesn' t know what he is doing, long lines).
As Christmas grows closer remember the reasons for the season and be willing to cross off your list some of the unfinished tasks. Enlist your children. Tell them ahead of time what your expectations are and assign specific responsibilities appropriate for their age. Even little ones can fold napkins or help in some way! Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations. Too often we allow the media to define the perfect Christmas. Such a perfect season is depicted as incomplete without softly falling snow, piles of packages, food beyond our ability to consume, and a table surrounded by happy, happy people. Jesus is absent from this picture of warmth and "love". Unrealistic expectations lead to major disappointments.
Change the things you can, accept the things you can' t. Expect people to act as they always do! The presence of Jesus in our hearts equips us to reflect His love and compassion when others disappoint us. Spend extra time with Him when you know you will be around people who are difficult.
We need to make the effort to reflect the peace of Jesus to a hostile world.
Talk about STRESS! Someone has defined "anxiety" as the inability to cope with stress. Is anxiety the context in which we are living out a "holiday" that represents peace and stability to the Christian world? If so, take a deep breath and consider incorporating some of these ideas into your every day life, one day at a time.
Don
Ask your family members what they like about Christmas - what are "non-negotiable" traditions. You might be surprised to learn that what you think absolutely must be done, no one else really cares about! Make lists of every job - even the smallest - and prioritize tasks.
As Christmas grows closer remember the reasons for the season and be willing to cross off your list some of the unfinished tasks. Enlist your children. Tell them ahead of time what your expectations are and assign specific responsibilities appropriate for their age. Even little ones can fold napkins or help in some way! Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations. Too often we allow the media to define the perfect Christmas. Such a perfect season is depicted as incomplete without softly falling snow, piles of packages, food beyond our ability to consume, and a table surrounded by happy, happy people. Jesus is absent from this picture of warmth and "love". Unrealistic expectations lead to major disappointments.
Change the things you can, accept the things you can
Ask Him to help you be a reflection of His peace. Intentionally Extend God' s Compassion Ask God who He wants you to touch with His love. Perhaps this is the year to invite neighbors to a Christmas celebration.
We need to make the effort to reflect the peace of Jesus to a hostile world.
Take Time to Play It' s not the pile of gifts that will create the satisfaction in a child - it' s the relationship. Take a walk and breathe in the creation of God. Are you alone? Refuse to feel sorry for yourself.
Ask God to bring to mind someone else who is alone and invite them to join you for a meal. Perhaps the best way to experience joy is to give joy away. Ask God to show you a way to share His love with someone who needs a special touch from Him. Joy and ministry to others are linked.
Joy comes when we know we are serving our Savior by serving others. Take Time Out to Pray When Jesus got busy, He slowed down. He deliberately withdrew for a while (Mark 1:37-39).
Early on Christmas morning turn the lights on the tree and just spend some time in quiet prayer of peace and love. You may find this could be the best Christmas ever.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Just Fell Out of Love
Some time ago, I was talking to a college friend of mine. He was married right our of college and has been married for 39 years. Our conversation centered around him saying that he just has fallen out of love with his wife.
I am no one to give speeches about divorce and how we should stick it out no matter what so I just listened to what he had to say. He noted that right out of college he loved the time they spent together in taking walks, holding hands, cuddling for no reason at all and the list went on. Then came full time job responsibilities and then kids and what had held them so close together for the first years foudn out that events and responsibilities began ever so slowly pulling them apart.
So the focus turned away from each other and onto the kids, jobs and the church. He spent time with the boys and new hobies and she spent time with the girls and shopping. His wife became short tempered and began critizing him over the dumbest things. To that end, he began pouring himself in things away from the home. Yet that did not work because when he did get home problems continued to grow and the peace of home faded away.
Bob just retired and found out that he was in the hosue with a stranger so he turned more to the grandkids but the air is still tense when the grandkids have gone home. Now he says that he does not want to spend the rest of his life making his wife miserable and himself miserable.
My only response was, "Have you tried dating her again?" He reply was, "We go out all the time". I replied, "No, I remember seeing you on campus, holding hands, laughing, and taking time with no worrys except for the next exam." Then I asked the "S" question. "How's your sex life?" "Non-existent because it is just too much of an effort." Then he asked me the big question. "What should I do?"
My response was to fall back in love with your wife. Focus on the first few months of your married life. His comment was, "Have sex twice a day?" I replied, "Why not? You don't have a job anymore so be creative. Set an alarm clock, fix her favorite snack, set the mood, give a massage, or anything that brings back the memories of the your first years."
Are you falling out of love with your spouse? You'll find out it is easier to try and make it work that to go through the pains of divorce. It is easier to recreate the times when you WERE in love than to encounter the unknown of a divorce. But it does take two. Bob's wife wanted to be back in love with him but just forgot about the fun in a relationship. The best part is that Bob and his wife agree to be creative and set the mood for building the relationship and not just for sex. Cuddling and holding hands was at one time high on thier list and so it is now coming back after years of responsibilities.
Never give up on another person, but take a step yourself to be fun like you did in your youth. This may just start as cuddling, hand holding, kissing, laughing or doing things without critism. The point is to start and not just be content to have fallen out of love.
I am no one to give speeches about divorce and how we should stick it out no matter what so I just listened to what he had to say. He noted that right out of college he loved the time they spent together in taking walks, holding hands, cuddling for no reason at all and the list went on. Then came full time job responsibilities and then kids and what had held them so close together for the first years foudn out that events and responsibilities began ever so slowly pulling them apart.
So the focus turned away from each other and onto the kids, jobs and the church. He spent time with the boys and new hobies and she spent time with the girls and shopping. His wife became short tempered and began critizing him over the dumbest things. To that end, he began pouring himself in things away from the home. Yet that did not work because when he did get home problems continued to grow and the peace of home faded away.
Bob just retired and found out that he was in the hosue with a stranger so he turned more to the grandkids but the air is still tense when the grandkids have gone home. Now he says that he does not want to spend the rest of his life making his wife miserable and himself miserable.
My only response was, "Have you tried dating her again?" He reply was, "We go out all the time". I replied, "No, I remember seeing you on campus, holding hands, laughing, and taking time with no worrys except for the next exam." Then I asked the "S" question. "How's your sex life?" "Non-existent because it is just too much of an effort." Then he asked me the big question. "What should I do?"
My response was to fall back in love with your wife. Focus on the first few months of your married life. His comment was, "Have sex twice a day?" I replied, "Why not? You don't have a job anymore so be creative. Set an alarm clock, fix her favorite snack, set the mood, give a massage, or anything that brings back the memories of the your first years."
Are you falling out of love with your spouse? You'll find out it is easier to try and make it work that to go through the pains of divorce. It is easier to recreate the times when you WERE in love than to encounter the unknown of a divorce. But it does take two. Bob's wife wanted to be back in love with him but just forgot about the fun in a relationship. The best part is that Bob and his wife agree to be creative and set the mood for building the relationship and not just for sex. Cuddling and holding hands was at one time high on thier list and so it is now coming back after years of responsibilities.
Never give up on another person, but take a step yourself to be fun like you did in your youth. This may just start as cuddling, hand holding, kissing, laughing or doing things without critism. The point is to start and not just be content to have fallen out of love.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Bringing Back Rough Memories
Everyone is talking about the situation at Penn State and the events that took place years ago. As they discuss the mindset of the coach during that time it has quickly brought back some rough memories of my daughter's experiences.
Her uncle was an elder in the church, high up in the Masonic Lodge, police officer and respected in the community. But it was a program on TV that gave my daughter the courage to say something and come forward. During the seven plus years of sexual abuse beginning at age 4 he would tell her that it was their secret and that if she told no one would believe her. When confronted by the Sheriff's office he immediately denied everything and said it was her imagination.
For me too many "small" things that I felt were not right years before came to the surface and so we pursued legal action. You don't want to believe it because it was family but I never doubted my daughter's tears and fears.
Then one week later, I got a phone call from him to simply say, "I'm sorry for what I did, but you see I was abused as a child and did not think I was doing anything wrong." At that moment, I did not pray or ask God for his or my forgiveness but just wanted to kill him right then. He stole my daughter's innocence and damaged her spirit.
My daughter testified before the grand jury and to our surprise over 33 girls and women over the past 35 years came forward to say they had experienced his approaches. Each one told my daughter thank you because they had held in in during their lives as well and now could move on.
It took years before I could forgive him and one thing that has stuck with me for years is that my daughter said, "Unless I forgive him, he will have control over my life the rest of my life". I am so proud of my daughter but events that were brought to life this past week can make me recall the rough memories.
Pray for the victims of abuse so they may grow to forgive their abusers so they will not have control over their life. Trust me it is easier said than done, but necessary. Is there someone you need to forgive?
Her uncle was an elder in the church, high up in the Masonic Lodge, police officer and respected in the community. But it was a program on TV that gave my daughter the courage to say something and come forward. During the seven plus years of sexual abuse beginning at age 4 he would tell her that it was their secret and that if she told no one would believe her. When confronted by the Sheriff's office he immediately denied everything and said it was her imagination.
For me too many "small" things that I felt were not right years before came to the surface and so we pursued legal action. You don't want to believe it because it was family but I never doubted my daughter's tears and fears.
Then one week later, I got a phone call from him to simply say, "I'm sorry for what I did, but you see I was abused as a child and did not think I was doing anything wrong." At that moment, I did not pray or ask God for his or my forgiveness but just wanted to kill him right then. He stole my daughter's innocence and damaged her spirit.
My daughter testified before the grand jury and to our surprise over 33 girls and women over the past 35 years came forward to say they had experienced his approaches. Each one told my daughter thank you because they had held in in during their lives as well and now could move on.
It took years before I could forgive him and one thing that has stuck with me for years is that my daughter said, "Unless I forgive him, he will have control over my life the rest of my life". I am so proud of my daughter but events that were brought to life this past week can make me recall the rough memories.
Pray for the victims of abuse so they may grow to forgive their abusers so they will not have control over their life. Trust me it is easier said than done, but necessary. Is there someone you need to forgive?
Friday, October 28, 2011
Harness the Abuse
Often we are quick to criticize or we hold in all our frustration from work in until we get home. We feel comfortable to vent or release the frustration that builds up from work or a boss or a customer.
When we get home from a rough day it does not take long for anyone in the home to say something that gets on your nerves and wow you release on them when they are innocent bystanders. If you know that you are tired and frustrated from work, stop at the front door and take a deep breath. You are entering your safe environment but that does not give you the right to take out your frustrations on them. Yet this is one of the main actions that becomes part of spousal abuse.
If you know that raising you voice quickly puts everyone in the home on alert, figure a way to relax for any conversation. Drinking or finding an out of the home outlet is no method to help. I have known co-workers who went to a friend's house to have sex before heading home so, "They can relax". Funny how they never take out their frustrations while in an affair. Yet when they get home and might be approached on the after work events the abuse is terrible. Most of of the time, if approached on such abuse, they will blame the spouse. Funny how people justify their abuse yet I know that experience first hand.
Stop taking advantage of your home environment but instead understand that you are going to be frustrated after a long day or events of the day. Work out with your partner a method that both of you can accept where you can unwind.
If the two of you can not talk calmly, get help from a professional. My recommendation is a mental professional and not a spiritual professional. One helps your mind think clearly and the other helps your soul to understand the grace, forgiveness, and love of the Creator who is passionately in Love with you.
NO more excuses - harness the abuse.
When we get home from a rough day it does not take long for anyone in the home to say something that gets on your nerves and wow you release on them when they are innocent bystanders. If you know that you are tired and frustrated from work, stop at the front door and take a deep breath. You are entering your safe environment but that does not give you the right to take out your frustrations on them. Yet this is one of the main actions that becomes part of spousal abuse.
If you know that raising you voice quickly puts everyone in the home on alert, figure a way to relax for any conversation. Drinking or finding an out of the home outlet is no method to help. I have known co-workers who went to a friend's house to have sex before heading home so, "They can relax". Funny how they never take out their frustrations while in an affair. Yet when they get home and might be approached on the after work events the abuse is terrible. Most of of the time, if approached on such abuse, they will blame the spouse. Funny how people justify their abuse yet I know that experience first hand.
Stop taking advantage of your home environment but instead understand that you are going to be frustrated after a long day or events of the day. Work out with your partner a method that both of you can accept where you can unwind.
If the two of you can not talk calmly, get help from a professional. My recommendation is a mental professional and not a spiritual professional. One helps your mind think clearly and the other helps your soul to understand the grace, forgiveness, and love of the Creator who is passionately in Love with you.
NO more excuses - harness the abuse.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Honor the Family
Each year we have the honor of our mother, Mom Saladin, (there is no mother-in-law in my vocabulary) coming to the mountains to watch the leaves turn and spend some time with us. This lady has experienced so much from her childhood in upstate New York to the years in Florida. Those years have not been easy and she became a great nurse and nurse supervisor. More importantly is to see how her children serve the Lord only comes from her strong efforts and should give her the highest praise.
It is great to spend time with her and hear her history. To her I give honor.
Yet I hear so many people talk about their elderly family members with dis-stain and hate the idea of taking care of them in the future. They just want to put them away in a home and live their life. Where is the Honor in that?
I understand that many people do not have the facilities to take care of a senior family member but I think of my grandmother and grandfather. My grandmother had a brother who was deaf from age 3. So took care of him because in the 1930's and 40's the deaf did not get an education so Frank never received any education because he could not speak more than a grunt. When she got married to my grandfather and her parents passed away, Frank moved in with them. He worked hard on the farm but took a lot of grief from my dad and his brother. They would tease him and sneak around him just to make him mad.
Yet my grandmother never took him to a deaf home because she felt that being family meant that you took care of your own. Frank lived for 78 years and was one of the hardest working farmers' I knew. As a young man I recall my dad talking to him in a simple sign language about Jesus. He learned that Jesus loved Frank and died for him. I remember Frank's baptism as he came out of the water, Frank let out a loud grunt and smiled.
So I learned to give Honor to family members who help hold families together and those who serve as an example of the Love of the Creator.
I only have memories now of my parents and honor what they taught me and the direction they give me in life. Today as Mom Saladin heads tomorrow it has been a pleasure and honor to spend time with her.
Who do you need to give honor? Do it while they are alive? Is there someone you want to give honor to today. Give them a call or go see them. Tomorrow may be to late.
It is great to spend time with her and hear her history. To her I give honor.
Yet I hear so many people talk about their elderly family members with dis-stain and hate the idea of taking care of them in the future. They just want to put them away in a home and live their life. Where is the Honor in that?
I understand that many people do not have the facilities to take care of a senior family member but I think of my grandmother and grandfather. My grandmother had a brother who was deaf from age 3. So took care of him because in the 1930's and 40's the deaf did not get an education so Frank never received any education because he could not speak more than a grunt. When she got married to my grandfather and her parents passed away, Frank moved in with them. He worked hard on the farm but took a lot of grief from my dad and his brother. They would tease him and sneak around him just to make him mad.
Yet my grandmother never took him to a deaf home because she felt that being family meant that you took care of your own. Frank lived for 78 years and was one of the hardest working farmers' I knew. As a young man I recall my dad talking to him in a simple sign language about Jesus. He learned that Jesus loved Frank and died for him. I remember Frank's baptism as he came out of the water, Frank let out a loud grunt and smiled.
So I learned to give Honor to family members who help hold families together and those who serve as an example of the Love of the Creator.
I only have memories now of my parents and honor what they taught me and the direction they give me in life. Today as Mom Saladin heads tomorrow it has been a pleasure and honor to spend time with her.
Who do you need to give honor? Do it while they are alive? Is there someone you want to give honor to today. Give them a call or go see them. Tomorrow may be to late.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Words bulid up - Words break down
I was told years ago that "A dozen atta boys for great work will all be canceled by one aww sh___!" It was until I was in college that I realized that this was true.
Growing up in a stern household, it was thought by my father and grandfather that you will try harder if you do not measure up to their desires for your life. One of the favorite sayings was, "You'll never amount to a hill of beans." Working on the farm, I knew what a hill of beans meant. Six beans can only give limited results when compared to a whole field. Next was the comment, "You don't have enough sense to pound sand down a rat hole". Enough said about that saying.
Over the years these comments hardened me to "Prove them wrong." Now as I get into my twilight years, I look back and realize that some of the things I did was for that reason only. My serving to others in being a youth minister, moving up the corporate ladder, being a city mayor, a court judge, directing a Christian Camp and Resort, and the list goes on and on was not as much serving as proving my family wrong.
One pain that stuck with me for years was to hear a conversation by my Dad and a close family member. I was taking a shower and overheard them say, "Gary can not be a Mayor because he is over his head and dreams more than he can do." I stood in the shower and cried as memories of words said years earlier flooded my head and that my own fa. Instead of giving up, it just made me more determined to work harder. We won all precincts in the elections.
I did serve to help others but my motives were not all pure. My knowledge of this motive has made me leery of most politicians and those working in serving areas.
Therefore I am more sensitive to the words I chose and the words I hear others blurt out. Often words can cut deeper than any knife as many people do not realize the damage they are causing. Tearing people down does not make you a better person but instead has the opposite effect.
Pointing fingers at others is not a great accomplishment. Right now, point your finger at the screen. One finger is pointing at the screen but three fingers are pointing back at you. Realize that every time you point out others failures there are three times as many pointing back at you. The same is in tearing someone down with your words.
The choice is yours, build up others with words of kindness, favor, and love or tear them down to make you think you look better. The reality is those words may come back to haunt you.
Growing up in a stern household, it was thought by my father and grandfather that you will try harder if you do not measure up to their desires for your life. One of the favorite sayings was, "You'll never amount to a hill of beans." Working on the farm, I knew what a hill of beans meant. Six beans can only give limited results when compared to a whole field. Next was the comment, "You don't have enough sense to pound sand down a rat hole". Enough said about that saying.
Over the years these comments hardened me to "Prove them wrong." Now as I get into my twilight years, I look back and realize that some of the things I did was for that reason only. My serving to others in being a youth minister, moving up the corporate ladder, being a city mayor, a court judge, directing a Christian Camp and Resort, and the list goes on and on was not as much serving as proving my family wrong.
One pain that stuck with me for years was to hear a conversation by my Dad and a close family member. I was taking a shower and overheard them say, "Gary can not be a Mayor because he is over his head and dreams more than he can do." I stood in the shower and cried as memories of words said years earlier flooded my head and that my own fa. Instead of giving up, it just made me more determined to work harder. We won all precincts in the elections.
I did serve to help others but my motives were not all pure. My knowledge of this motive has made me leery of most politicians and those working in serving areas.
Therefore I am more sensitive to the words I chose and the words I hear others blurt out. Often words can cut deeper than any knife as many people do not realize the damage they are causing. Tearing people down does not make you a better person but instead has the opposite effect.
Pointing fingers at others is not a great accomplishment. Right now, point your finger at the screen. One finger is pointing at the screen but three fingers are pointing back at you. Realize that every time you point out others failures there are three times as many pointing back at you. The same is in tearing someone down with your words.
The choice is yours, build up others with words of kindness, favor, and love or tear them down to make you think you look better. The reality is those words may come back to haunt you.
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