Some time ago, I was talking to a college friend of mine. He was married right our of college and has been married for 39 years. Our conversation centered around him saying that he just has fallen out of love with his wife.
I am no one to give speeches about divorce and how we should stick it out no matter what so I just listened to what he had to say. He noted that right out of college he loved the time they spent together in taking walks, holding hands, cuddling for no reason at all and the list went on. Then came full time job responsibilities and then kids and what had held them so close together for the first years foudn out that events and responsibilities began ever so slowly pulling them apart.
So the focus turned away from each other and onto the kids, jobs and the church. He spent time with the boys and new hobies and she spent time with the girls and shopping. His wife became short tempered and began critizing him over the dumbest things. To that end, he began pouring himself in things away from the home. Yet that did not work because when he did get home problems continued to grow and the peace of home faded away.
Bob just retired and found out that he was in the hosue with a stranger so he turned more to the grandkids but the air is still tense when the grandkids have gone home. Now he says that he does not want to spend the rest of his life making his wife miserable and himself miserable.
My only response was, "Have you tried dating her again?" He reply was, "We go out all the time". I replied, "No, I remember seeing you on campus, holding hands, laughing, and taking time with no worrys except for the next exam." Then I asked the "S" question. "How's your sex life?" "Non-existent because it is just too much of an effort." Then he asked me the big question. "What should I do?"
My response was to fall back in love with your wife. Focus on the first few months of your married life. His comment was, "Have sex twice a day?" I replied, "Why not? You don't have a job anymore so be creative. Set an alarm clock, fix her favorite snack, set the mood, give a massage, or anything that brings back the memories of the your first years."
Are you falling out of love with your spouse? You'll find out it is easier to try and make it work that to go through the pains of divorce. It is easier to recreate the times when you WERE in love than to encounter the unknown of a divorce. But it does take two. Bob's wife wanted to be back in love with him but just forgot about the fun in a relationship. The best part is that Bob and his wife agree to be creative and set the mood for building the relationship and not just for sex. Cuddling and holding hands was at one time high on thier list and so it is now coming back after years of responsibilities.
Never give up on another person, but take a step yourself to be fun like you did in your youth. This may just start as cuddling, hand holding, kissing, laughing or doing things without critism. The point is to start and not just be content to have fallen out of love.
