Philippians 2:1-2 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His Love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being likeminded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.
How many times have you been involved in a discussion with your husband, wife, or a friend when one of you, agreeing, says, “I see what you’re saying.” But within a few moments you realize, by their actions, body language, or mannerisms, which their true feelings are really very different from what was said.
In a marriage, body language can reveal more than our words. We commit our lives to this other person on our wedding day, but as each anniversary passes our own selfish desires move into our thoughts and life. The result is that we create our own agenda for life apart from the marriage. That’s not to say that you can not have different careers or goals, but have you discussed them with your friend (your spouse) before you leap into action?
Are there silent messages that you send to your husband or wife when you are upset or angry?
Have you ever noticed that if you and your spouse are going to have a fight, it’s likely going to happen on Sunday morning. What do you do when you are upset with your spouse just before going to church? If there was an argument while getting ready for church, one of my old “bad” habits was to be silent in the car, hustle the kids quickly into Sunday School, walk ten feet ahead of my spouse, and then begin to greet people as if it was a beautiful day in the neighborhood. The silent message I sent to her was devastating.
Sooo . . . how do you deal with anger between you and your spouse in a proper manner? Here are some suggestions.
Consider setting up some rules that you both agree to follow regarding arguments. Make sure to do this when both of you are in a good mood. It avoids well, . . . an arguments. Ephesians 4: 26 says, “. . . Do not let the sun set on your anger”. So make that your great first rule. Never fall into bed while you are angry. It ruins a good night’s sleep for both of you. It’s also a good idea to agree on rules for arguments when you are going out to meet people, and especially, when children are present (much of how they treat their future spouses will be learned from you!).
Second, make sure you attack the situation and not the person. So often past experiences jump to the forefront when one gets angry. So, it becomes vital to help the person understand your anger and not just vent. Often, arguments are a result of something that happened at work, a headache you are dealing with, or with actions and attitudes of the kids. Your spouse is not a punching bag to absorb all the blows from the day. Once you understand the nature of your anger, you can vent without making it seem like a personal attack.
Third, avoid "Why" questions. "Why did you not take the garbage out?" That will get a response but often not the one desired. A response like, "Because I was not in the mood," will generate more conversation but not get the desired effect. The garbage will be taken out but with anger at the bottom of the garbage can. Learn to phrase your desires so they have no appearance of an attack.
Lastly, make up! A prayer together, an “I Love You”, and an “I’m Sorry”, will go a long way to defusing anger and hurt feelings. And the benefits of making up are well worth it. Lessons for me to keep learning.
Once the rules are in place, live by them and use them. A little preparation will go a long way to making sure your marriage gets through the really tough spots.
No comments:
Post a Comment