Be a Friend!

" Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, so does a man’s wise counsel sharpen the countenance of his friend.”

I am a recovering co-dependent rescuer. What that means in simple terms is that for many years I felt worthless unless I could help someone in trouble. I went so far as to seek out people who I thought needed help, even though they didn’t. By limiting my help only to friends, I brought a lot of frustration and pain into my life.

After receiving professional counseling, I realized that the previous experiences and habits gave me no real joy, but rather a false sense of accomplishment. For me, friends were people I could use to make me feel better. Having grown up in a Christian setting where what you do gets you to heaven, I was driven to help everyone I could. Part of the counseling process was to help me realize how wrong that was and how important God’s grace is for my life.

It’s interesting how during those years I had many acquaintances, but few real friends. The verse above in Proverbs 27 had never really applied to me. But once the focus of my personality and drive had changed, I desired to find just a few special friends that I could be myself with and thus develop a transparent relationship.

Soon after that experience I found a friend. She was a lovely lady who told me in no uncertain terms that she did not need to be rescued. As a result, we developed a relationship based solely on honesty, trust . . . and eventually love. Lynnette became my best friend long before she became my wife. Through that relationship, I was able to become a friend to others without feeling the need to fix their lives. Some time later, I became acquainted with a couple of men, men who also didn’t need to be rescued. It was great. I found myself simply relaxing in their friendship. I could listen to them without the need to fix them. I could feel their emotions. Share in their joys. In doing that I became their friend.

When there was a tough issue to discuss or a behavior in their life that was moving them away from their relationship with Christ, I could talk to them about it and know that they would listen and evaluate a friend’s counsel. The verse became reality. From what I’ve learned here’s my advice.

Realize your worth as a child of God. Learn of His love for you and the grace He has given freely. Develop a deep relationship with the Lord through prayer and Bible study. Then, be a friend to someone. And let that relationship make you and your friend better.