I'm Fine

What is your response when a stranger walks up to you and says, "How are Your today?"    Most everyone I know says, "I'm Fine."  Yet your may have had something tragic happen to you just minutes before, but we have been trained to not let people, particularly strangers,  know what is really happening to your life.

Once I thought I'd see how people react when you don't say the usual, "I'm Fine" quote.   I'd respond to their question with, "I'm doing terrible".   At least ten strangers said, "That's good."  If I would response, "I'm doing terrible, how are you?" I'd get "I'm fine" right back.  Only one person out of a dozzen people I asked even stopped to say "I'm sorry, is there  anything I can do?"

We are trained from children to be transparent anywhere and with anyone whether at home, at school, on the street, or at work. 

I learned to wear the work mask by watching a friend.  He was going through some rough times in his life and during a lunch break one of our co-workers asked how he was doing.  To this the man opened up his heart and became transparent and vulnerable to release the troubles he was having.  Two weeks later a position opened up in the company and both men applied in for the position.  During the interview process the man who was given information regarding the other man's issues, brought it out in the interview to demonstrate how the man with the issues could not handle the pressure of the new position.

The one man used the transparency of feelings against the second man in order to get ahead.    When approached the one man said that if he can use any leverage to get the position he would do it.  So we learned to never open up to anyone in the workplace because it would at some point be used against us. 

In today's society we hide so well our feelings and in turn we bottle up emotions until they explode into violent anger, withdrawal from events, isolationism, and a breakdown in the family.   I encourage  you to develop at least one or two close friendships outside of work, or family.  Agree to be accountability partners.    When I did that I had to build a trust and began by sharing small stuff and then see if I was hurt by the friend.  Over time, I related more transparency and became open with them to the point of feeling free to call and say, "I'm struggling today" and knowing it would be OK.

Do you have anyone who you can be transparent with?  I urge this friend to be male to male or female to female relationship.  Too often I see men opening up to women  or women opening up to a man only to lead to an affair and further damage to many relationships.  Some of the worse situations from this behavior is with pastors or ministers.  What starts out as counseling becomes infatuation and then a sexual relationship.  Then a career is lost, the church is hurt, and famailies break up.

So stop saying, "I'm Fine" when you are not and get in a small group that you can trust.  The first step will be yours.  Yes, you can get hurt again, but do not give up because your life depends on others.

Just make the first move.