Often we are quick to criticize or we hold in all our frustration from work in until we get home. We feel comfortable to vent or release the frustration that builds up from work or a boss or a customer.
When we get home from a rough day it does not take long for anyone in the home to say something that gets on your nerves and wow you release on them when they are innocent bystanders. If you know that you are tired and frustrated from work, stop at the front door and take a deep breath. You are entering your safe environment but that does not give you the right to take out your frustrations on them. Yet this is one of the main actions that becomes part of spousal abuse.
If you know that raising you voice quickly puts everyone in the home on alert, figure a way to relax for any conversation. Drinking or finding an out of the home outlet is no method to help. I have known co-workers who went to a friend's house to have sex before heading home so, "They can relax". Funny how they never take out their frustrations while in an affair. Yet when they get home and might be approached on the after work events the abuse is terrible. Most of of the time, if approached on such abuse, they will blame the spouse. Funny how people justify their abuse yet I know that experience first hand.
Stop taking advantage of your home environment but instead understand that you are going to be frustrated after a long day or events of the day. Work out with your partner a method that both of you can accept where you can unwind.
If the two of you can not talk calmly, get help from a professional. My recommendation is a mental professional and not a spiritual professional. One helps your mind think clearly and the other helps your soul to understand the grace, forgiveness, and love of the Creator who is passionately in Love with you.
NO more excuses - harness the abuse.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Honor the Family
Each year we have the honor of our mother, Mom Saladin, (there is no mother-in-law in my vocabulary) coming to the mountains to watch the leaves turn and spend some time with us. This lady has experienced so much from her childhood in upstate New York to the years in Florida. Those years have not been easy and she became a great nurse and nurse supervisor. More importantly is to see how her children serve the Lord only comes from her strong efforts and should give her the highest praise.
It is great to spend time with her and hear her history. To her I give honor.
Yet I hear so many people talk about their elderly family members with dis-stain and hate the idea of taking care of them in the future. They just want to put them away in a home and live their life. Where is the Honor in that?
I understand that many people do not have the facilities to take care of a senior family member but I think of my grandmother and grandfather. My grandmother had a brother who was deaf from age 3. So took care of him because in the 1930's and 40's the deaf did not get an education so Frank never received any education because he could not speak more than a grunt. When she got married to my grandfather and her parents passed away, Frank moved in with them. He worked hard on the farm but took a lot of grief from my dad and his brother. They would tease him and sneak around him just to make him mad.
Yet my grandmother never took him to a deaf home because she felt that being family meant that you took care of your own. Frank lived for 78 years and was one of the hardest working farmers' I knew. As a young man I recall my dad talking to him in a simple sign language about Jesus. He learned that Jesus loved Frank and died for him. I remember Frank's baptism as he came out of the water, Frank let out a loud grunt and smiled.
So I learned to give Honor to family members who help hold families together and those who serve as an example of the Love of the Creator.
I only have memories now of my parents and honor what they taught me and the direction they give me in life. Today as Mom Saladin heads tomorrow it has been a pleasure and honor to spend time with her.
Who do you need to give honor? Do it while they are alive? Is there someone you want to give honor to today. Give them a call or go see them. Tomorrow may be to late.
It is great to spend time with her and hear her history. To her I give honor.
Yet I hear so many people talk about their elderly family members with dis-stain and hate the idea of taking care of them in the future. They just want to put them away in a home and live their life. Where is the Honor in that?
I understand that many people do not have the facilities to take care of a senior family member but I think of my grandmother and grandfather. My grandmother had a brother who was deaf from age 3. So took care of him because in the 1930's and 40's the deaf did not get an education so Frank never received any education because he could not speak more than a grunt. When she got married to my grandfather and her parents passed away, Frank moved in with them. He worked hard on the farm but took a lot of grief from my dad and his brother. They would tease him and sneak around him just to make him mad.
Yet my grandmother never took him to a deaf home because she felt that being family meant that you took care of your own. Frank lived for 78 years and was one of the hardest working farmers' I knew. As a young man I recall my dad talking to him in a simple sign language about Jesus. He learned that Jesus loved Frank and died for him. I remember Frank's baptism as he came out of the water, Frank let out a loud grunt and smiled.
So I learned to give Honor to family members who help hold families together and those who serve as an example of the Love of the Creator.
I only have memories now of my parents and honor what they taught me and the direction they give me in life. Today as Mom Saladin heads tomorrow it has been a pleasure and honor to spend time with her.
Who do you need to give honor? Do it while they are alive? Is there someone you want to give honor to today. Give them a call or go see them. Tomorrow may be to late.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Words bulid up - Words break down
I was told years ago that "A dozen atta boys for great work will all be canceled by one aww sh___!" It was until I was in college that I realized that this was true.
Growing up in a stern household, it was thought by my father and grandfather that you will try harder if you do not measure up to their desires for your life. One of the favorite sayings was, "You'll never amount to a hill of beans." Working on the farm, I knew what a hill of beans meant. Six beans can only give limited results when compared to a whole field. Next was the comment, "You don't have enough sense to pound sand down a rat hole". Enough said about that saying.
Over the years these comments hardened me to "Prove them wrong." Now as I get into my twilight years, I look back and realize that some of the things I did was for that reason only. My serving to others in being a youth minister, moving up the corporate ladder, being a city mayor, a court judge, directing a Christian Camp and Resort, and the list goes on and on was not as much serving as proving my family wrong.
One pain that stuck with me for years was to hear a conversation by my Dad and a close family member. I was taking a shower and overheard them say, "Gary can not be a Mayor because he is over his head and dreams more than he can do." I stood in the shower and cried as memories of words said years earlier flooded my head and that my own fa. Instead of giving up, it just made me more determined to work harder. We won all precincts in the elections.
I did serve to help others but my motives were not all pure. My knowledge of this motive has made me leery of most politicians and those working in serving areas.
Therefore I am more sensitive to the words I chose and the words I hear others blurt out. Often words can cut deeper than any knife as many people do not realize the damage they are causing. Tearing people down does not make you a better person but instead has the opposite effect.
Pointing fingers at others is not a great accomplishment. Right now, point your finger at the screen. One finger is pointing at the screen but three fingers are pointing back at you. Realize that every time you point out others failures there are three times as many pointing back at you. The same is in tearing someone down with your words.
The choice is yours, build up others with words of kindness, favor, and love or tear them down to make you think you look better. The reality is those words may come back to haunt you.
Growing up in a stern household, it was thought by my father and grandfather that you will try harder if you do not measure up to their desires for your life. One of the favorite sayings was, "You'll never amount to a hill of beans." Working on the farm, I knew what a hill of beans meant. Six beans can only give limited results when compared to a whole field. Next was the comment, "You don't have enough sense to pound sand down a rat hole". Enough said about that saying.
Over the years these comments hardened me to "Prove them wrong." Now as I get into my twilight years, I look back and realize that some of the things I did was for that reason only. My serving to others in being a youth minister, moving up the corporate ladder, being a city mayor, a court judge, directing a Christian Camp and Resort, and the list goes on and on was not as much serving as proving my family wrong.
One pain that stuck with me for years was to hear a conversation by my Dad and a close family member. I was taking a shower and overheard them say, "Gary can not be a Mayor because he is over his head and dreams more than he can do." I stood in the shower and cried as memories of words said years earlier flooded my head and that my own fa. Instead of giving up, it just made me more determined to work harder. We won all precincts in the elections.
I did serve to help others but my motives were not all pure. My knowledge of this motive has made me leery of most politicians and those working in serving areas.
Therefore I am more sensitive to the words I chose and the words I hear others blurt out. Often words can cut deeper than any knife as many people do not realize the damage they are causing. Tearing people down does not make you a better person but instead has the opposite effect.
Pointing fingers at others is not a great accomplishment. Right now, point your finger at the screen. One finger is pointing at the screen but three fingers are pointing back at you. Realize that every time you point out others failures there are three times as many pointing back at you. The same is in tearing someone down with your words.
The choice is yours, build up others with words of kindness, favor, and love or tear them down to make you think you look better. The reality is those words may come back to haunt you.
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